Age has a way of catching up with you when you spend your life online. Introducing the minor yet monotonous digital dents in your youth.
I’m not that old. As David Brent once put it: “I’m thir… - I’m in my thirties”. However, using a computer all day can slowly eat away at that image of the hip young buck you once thought you were. If you nod at any of these ten scenarios it may be time to consider starting that pension plan...
1. Meme misconception
I thought “Netflix and Chill” meant House of Cards and Cabernet. Apparently it’s teenagers having sex.
2. Seeking simpler times
That satisfying dial-up hiss and the comforting click of a CPU provided much needed time for bathroom breaks, luxurious stretches or kettle boiling. Faster technology affords no time for reflection.
3. Punishing personal details
Signing up for a new account becomes depressing as you scroll further and further to find that birth year. There’s an odd joy in selecting a low age bracket but, when you’re forced to choose a range that includes your current vintage and one dangerously close to that of your parents, things get painful…
4. Pop culture confusion
A$AP Rocky sounds like a demand for immediate viewing of a Stallone movie. T-Pain is what happens when you sip Earl Grey too soon after boiling.
5. Facebook families
Even worse when it’s a schoolfriend’s second child or a significant event in that child’s life - like a graduation.
6. Paranoid android
Black Friday ads are eyed with supreme “too good to be true” suspicion, providing personal information elicits tuts about privacy invasion. The only time you fail to question motives is when your interest is piqued by an email from the son of the late King Kwa Nini offering you a percentage of his father’s fortune.
7. Physical fallbacks
When things go wrong you miss the safety net of a set of twelve install disks in a drawer or that dusty, encyclopaedia-sized user guide at the back of a cupboard.
8. Increasingly digital interactions
Evenings used to involve shots, bar banter and bargain buckets. Now you enjoy beef bourguignon and a box set while liking the status of those who did make it into town.
9. A consumption shift
Where once your shopping cart brimmed with PlayStation games and Red Hot Chili Peppers tickets, that steam mop on Groupon now seems like a must-have.
10. Pending priorities
It’s Sunday evening. An empty bottle of wine and the remains of a roast watch on as you click through a to do list that doesn’t start for another ten hours. Tick. Tock.